The World as I Know it

July 4th

I know I haven't written anything in a while but I need to. I'm feeling like I'm not, I don't know. Like I'm not truly a believer in Christ.

This can't be happening again. Christianity has given me so much hope and happiness. But I don't know anymore. People around me are so into everything, from BASIC to Bound4Life to Revivals and everything. I barely feel anything when I read my Bible at night. When I mess up I feel almost no guilt. What is wrong with me?

How can I be in BASIC, try to start Bound4Life in Oswego and help in teh revival and not be strong in my faith? I know I shouldn't compre but everyone is so strong and I'm not. I don't want this to happen agian. This can't be happening again!

I know this is Satan. I know that I am vulnerable right now and he is taking advatage of that but I can't help it. Lord help me. I don't want to not have you again. I want to be with you. If I don't have you, what do I have? Help me. Be my protector, my shield. Do all the things you say you do. I need you...

*Later*

After I wrote that, I decided to look for comfort in the Word. I turned to Psalms (my favorite book of all time) and found Psalm 91. It gave me so much encouragement so here it is:

Psalm 91
1. He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3. Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6. nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9. If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the Lord, who is my refuge--
10. then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12. they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14. "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."