The World as I Know it

I just got home from a walk. It wasn't a "I need some exercise" walk but a thinking walk. An escape walk. A clear my mind walk. Unfortunately it didn't really work, completely unsuccessful. Usually these things make me feel better; well, they used to. They haven't for an awful long time. And that's the problem. Nothing (or at least very few things) make me feel better. I'm tired of feeling anxious and stressed out for no reason. I'm tired of trying to smile because somehow that's better than crying although it's a lot harder. I'm not saying that there aren't times when I'm happy, there are many times. I just feel like these times are just sort of make-up that covers the bruises. But when do these individual problems collectively become an "issue." When do these things get too big for me to solve them by myself? When do I need to bring in other people, people who can handle it and take care of it? And what if these problems aren't really an "issue," just me being narcissistic and attention-grabbing? Do you see the problems? Do you have any answers? I'm thinking about "seeing" someone. I know there's nothing wrong with talking about your thingys with other people, people outside of your paradigm. Intellectually I know this. It's a different story though, emotionally. If I need to go to someone, if I need someone to show me how to fix me...it just isn't me. I'm weak, I know I am. Everyone tends to know I am. But how am I supposed to go through my life, knowing that I needed someone to show me the way through my own problems. And the thing is, there are sooo many more people who have bigger things to worry about than me, ya know? So many more people who have better reasons to need to see someone. And they don't. So what makes me so different.