The World as I Know it

So, what up? This semester, I have made it my goal in life to be freaking amazing at just about every class. That's going to be significantly difficult because I'm probably going to fall asleep in some of them--I already have. But I'm going to try to do it anyway. That girl in my Arabic class will not get a chance to answer my questions; I'm going to be answering hers. I'm not going to need any help in my pre-calc class either because I'm going to be awesome. I've decided this.

I went to church today; it was the first time in 1 1/2 months and it felt amazing. I missed worship, I really did. Everything was so amazing and I felt wonderful afterward. The pastor (who was actually the youth pastor) talked about how we need to be alone and just let God do his thing with us and I knew that that was what needed to happen to me. Last night I felt it but I didn't really do it. Today I felt it to, and I did get alone for a while but nothing happened. I don't know, maybe He needs some time. Maybe I need to be in the right place before He will come. I just don't know; but then again, I'm not supposed to.

I got so much homework in the first 2 days of classes. But I was super productive this weekend. All I need to do is read for geology which is awesome. I also need to work on my math homework but that's not due until Friday and I can have a partner for that so I'm going to talk to someone in my class tomorrow and see if they want to do it together. Today I went to the library and I spent an hour and a half doing the recommended problems for pre-calc. I want, no, I need to understand this stuff. It just has to happen. And I am going to do it.

I'm back in Oswego and I must admit, it kind of feels like it did when I first came here, except I know people now. It's hard to get back in the groove of things, ya know? Especially when it feels like so much has changed and so many people have changed with them. It's a weird feeling.

Classes have started. I fell asleep in my geology class today. It was the first class for crying out loud!! I don't know how in the world i did it, but I did and that's a bad sign I think. But Thursdays are hard. I have a 3 hour geology lab and then I go straight into an hour and 20 minute geology lecture. I mean, come on! Give a girl a break! Do you really think I care that much about geology? Your wrong. It's just a bunch of rocks and if I really have to sit in a single subject for over 4 hours, then I will turn into a bunch of rocks. How retarded is that?

Tomorrow's gonna be interesting. I have 4 classes. Honors 141, English 204Hon, Math 120 (Pre-Calc) and then off to my second semester of Arabic. Busy day tomorrow so I should probably go now.

So, I am sitting here, in the Cuba Library, staring up at a rather impressive and dramatic portrait of Fidel Castro, thinking, where is my life going? When am I going to rage a diplomatic-turned-communist-regime revolution? Is it even possible for an 18 year old girl to do that? I think back and I remember Joan of Arc, but she was french, so she doesn't count. Just kidding!

But seriously, when am I going to get my chance to rule the world and what would it be like if I did? I swear to you, it would be amazing--for me. I would sit on chinese silk pillows, lavish myself with the best jewels in the world. I would be glittering like the sun at noon with all of the precious metals which I would surround myself with. You, on the other hand, would be put in mines, so I could get said jewels, and have to kill a major population of the silk worm (but hey, with global warming in our wake, there going to eventually die anyway, why not help them out a bit?) I would be eating rich wonderful foods, like chocolate, and all the italian dishes I could ever dream of. You? you would probably be eating "oatmeal" which in fact is just a dish filled with water and left-overs from the pigs.

But don't worry, my revolution isn't today, or even tomorrow. But it will be soon. I just know it. So all I can ask is: What now, Punk?

So, last year seems to have been an extreme change for me and I have carried it onto the new year! I have cut my hair super, super, super short. I mean short short. Shorter than I ever have. & although it's not exactly the way I wanted, I adore it. I think it looks really good on me. I hope others will say the same; I've gotten a lot of compliments on it.

So, i am at home and I can def. feel it. It's getting really annoying. I really wanna go back to school. Everyone here is getting kind of annoying, not lying. The fact that I have money and my family doesn't doesn't help either. I mean, I know that they gave birth to me and raised me, i'm not trying to sound ungrateful or anything. But God!!! I'm trying to go to school here guys!!!

Anyway, here's a weird and bad tidbit. Hillary Clinton won New Hampshire. Which is okay I guess, but I'm totally for Barak Obama and want him to be the democratic nominee. However I have decided to take a harsh look at Clinton's platform and see if she's any good just in case, God forbid, that people decide that Obama doesn't have enough experience, which is a plausible and logical thought process.

See you later!!

Okay, so I just read Misty's blog (it's was sooo freakin' easy to guess it Mimi, all I did was put emo, a.k.a one of the only things you use a lot, in the bar thingy up above and it popped up; you should really think about getting rid of the history; Mimi please don't stop writing in it. I won't tell mama if you stop telling mine to her) and her's is extrememly honest. I mean extremely. And I love it but I find it a bit disturbing. I feel like I don't even know my own sister. Do you know how much of a horrible feeling that is? I've been gone for 4 months and everything has changed. Or has she always been like this and I just never noticed. Is she that good at hiding things or is it that I'm just not an observant person? IDK. It scares me to know that I had to read a blog in order to know that my sister has a boyfriend or that his ex-girlfriend is a "sl*t-faced bitch." And what the heck is #3?? I'm terrified of number three. I hope it's simply eating a lot of chocolate but I don't think it is.

Anyway, her blog is sooo freaking honest, I'm talking insanely, wonderfully honest (she doesn't care who she hurts! IDK how she can do that but I want to do it too!) so I've decided to be more open. In truth, this blog is supposed to be like a journal for me, a place to vent, but there are people reading this who I want to vent about you know? So I don't. But no more, or at least not so much. I hate feeling like crap and writing get's it out. So, here it goes.

I'm so tired of people calling me a prep. My God! Okay, so maybe I've changed, maybe my choice of clothing has changed a little or my choice of music. Whatever, but I am not a prep because a prep now, in this group is considered a bad thing. A prep is basically defined as a person who is a spoiled brat who doesn't care who they hurt because they only care for themselves. Let's see, is that me? No, duh. If that was me, I'd be wearing much nicer clothes, not buying christmas presents or trying to help my parents out a little. This venting process would have happened soooo long ago. So guess what guys, I'm not a prep, at least not in your terms.

Mmm, another thing. About me being "fiscally irresponsible." I'm sorry, but going to a college that is far outside your, and your parents, ability to pay seems a little "fiscally irresponsible to me." So what, I want an iPod; but I'm buying it, not my mom and dad, me! So get over it! I'm going through college without my parents helping me. I got a summer job (a sucky one) in order to do that. My parents have 2 other kids here who they have to support so I try not to be much of a pest on them. They don't send me however amount of money a month. I survive by myself. And idc if you have to buy your own food. You should have accounted for that when you decided to go there. It's not exactly my fault, ya know? So don't go getting all defensive about how I want an iPod or how I got a new phone. I'm buying all of these things w/o help so get off my back.

Yeah and I'm also tired of people screaming at me saying "how do you ever meet people?" "You say your more outgoing but you don't do anything." Well guess what? This is me. This has been me since you have met me. It's time you got used to it and it's time you got over it. This is the way I am. I will go and meet people on my own terms. Not everyone else's. Maybe I'm just uncomfortable around the sort of people that you all want me to hang around with, ya know? Your people may not be my people. But if they are, I'll find out when I feel comfortable finding out. If you push me, I'm not gonna like it and am probably gonna not like you afterward.

Okay, I think I'm done for right now. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone especially one person b/c the majority (if not all of it) is directed to them, but it had to come out. I'm tired of holding everything in. This is supposed to be a blog, one that I can say anything on. And so I have. Anyway, I'll ttyl. Bye!!
Loves you guys!!

So, it's been a freaking month and I haven't told you guys anything; this is bad because most of the people who read this I don't see very often. So here it goes:

I'm home (yay!) and although I wasn't really feeling it before I left, I'm happy now that I'm here. I mean, college is sooo stressful that it's cool just to hang out and sleep until 2 in the afternoon and not have to do anything, ya know? The only bad thing about staying at home is that I don't go back until the twenty-third (misty's birthday) and I can't see anyone til then. It kind of sucks but what am I supposed to do? I might be going to Rochester to visit Matt, Ryan, Shannan, and Tom but I probably won't; Daddy works during that time so there's really nothing I can do. It sucks but what can I do? I think I'm gonna get my hair cut and dyed with the money that I'm saving from not going to Rochester. I might even get my permit which is gonna rock! IDK. It doesn't really matter what I do b/c I'm still gonna be here for another month. Yeah, so that's about it. Bye!

Long title but oh well. As it states, though, my blog, which is more like a diary I allowed a select few to read (i.e. Beth, Ryan, and Shannan) is not so exclusive anymore because one of those select few, not saying any names but it starts with a B and ends in an ETH, told someone else (like Fiona) who told her mom who told Alex who's best friends with Misty who read it aloud to my mother!! How freaking wonderful is that?!? Thanks guys! Love you all too! So now my feelings that I must censor everything has tripled. So... guess you're just gong to have to try to figure out what I'm talking about by yourselves. P.S. not really gonna write anything important on here because my mother said one more thing that's bad and she's gonna take me home. Yet again, thanks guys!!

So, I have a friend who is getting into some really bad things. I never in a million years thought they would do the things that they are doing but here they are, doing them anyway. And I told them a million times that this is wrong, that whatever you're doing you need to stop but did they listen? No, of course not. Why listen to Heather, she only knows you. But this person is drinking and making "friends" with the worst people possible. And the worst part is, is that where before I felt close to this person, I feel like they're a completely different person. I don't think I changed that much but, IDK. I really don't know. I feel like when I'm around this person, that I just want to blow up at them and tell them all the things I feel but I just can't. They're messing up their lives but whenever I even attempt to tell them this, they turn it around on me or start projecting their feelings or justifying what they did or whatever. IDC why you are doing these things, just stop them. IDC that you had a bad day (I mean, I do, but not in this context). Does your bad day give you a reason to do all these things? I mean, seriously.



Other then that, everything is pretty good here. So, um.... love you all! Byez!