The World as I Know it

Today at church was so fantastic, it really really was. The last couple weeks, I haven't truly been feeling church and I've been having messed up thoughts that I keep trying to push out of my mind and it's not working.

It's so stupid but what started all this was something that Bongo Man said, something so tiny. We were talking about something I don't know what but he said that I might think differently when I'm not so religious. I thought that that was never going to happen but I keep thinking about what he said. He didn't say if, he said when. I feel like I have such a tenuous hold sometimes with my faith and I don't want to lose it. I never want to lose it.

I am so afraid of that. And today, during church, I was thinking about it. When Pastor Chuck had an alter call for those who wanted to be closer to the Holy Spirit, I went up there to pray about spiritual gifts but it ended up me sort of begging God to not let go of me.

That's my greatest fear. Lord, don't let go of me. Keep holding on to me; I don't want to live without you. I don't want to go back. Change my heart and my mind. Just stay with me; hold me the tightest possible way. Hold on to me.