Monday, April 20, 2009
I really shouldn't be writing this; i have so so so much to do it's not even funny. However, I felt the need to write and I'm going to to heed that need. :)
I am stressed. like woah stressed. I feel like I am handling it quite well but any more stuff piles onto my lap i might die of crying, because that's what I do when I get upset. I cry, a lot. But that's not really what I wanted to write about. I don't even really want to think about that. What I want to write about is something different. Something I don't really know yet so forgive my rambling thoughts. I'm just going to let my mind wander a bit.
I want to work for a Christian youth camp this summer. I'm deathly afraid that it's not going to happen. I'm afraid that Ed and Debby won't get the ministry reference in on time or that they will give me a bad reference. I just think that this will be good for me. It seriously will be an entire summer fully devoted to Jesus and trying to help kids grow up and stuff. I'm all about that yo! That reminded me of Lilo and Stitch; ya know that part where Nani is trying to get a job so she says she's all about concierging? Yeah, that's me. Except it's true. The wind is blowing outside and my window is open; I love it when the window is open. It's a breeze and sounds--nature at it's finest really. I'm warm and dry yet feel as if I'm out there too. Tonight might be the promotion test for karate. I'm really nervous. Partially because I'm afraid I'll mess up or can't do the physical aspect of it but also afraid that I will break the illusionment that I have put upon people in karate. Not just Nic. I have this thing where I have to be perfect; i don't want people to see my bad side or my downfalls. I must be perfect at what I do, which is awful and makes me feel bad when I'm not but it's just something I have to deal with, ya know? It's just one of my things. I'm looking at Simone's address. I'm a bad long-distance friend. I have so much to do and I procrastinate so much--even writing to amazing people like Simone. I miss her though. I miss hearing her voice. Today, someone called me and my phone was on the loud setting and I heard her voice-she's my ringtone. Is that weird? I really think it might be. I do miss her though. For the summer job, I have to take a cpr and first aid class. i wonder where I can go to take those? Probably the Y. I'll have to check. I have to do laundry so i'll see you guys later.
pce.
