The World as I Know it

Let me ask a couple questions. Do you love me? If I was mean, would you still love me? If I was angry at you, my life, the world, would your heart still call to mine? If I felt too ugly to go outside, would you pick me up and carry me out to see the world, and in doing so, pronounce to everyone that you love me the way I am? Do you think that you can handle my mood tornadoes? My indecisions? My disbelief? What if I told you I didn't love you anymore, what would you say? Would you quietly accept it and walk away, or would you continue to love and care for me? If I said to go away forever, to never ever show your face to me again, never hold my hand, what would you say? Because I can do this, I have done some of this. My disbelief and anger, my sadness and hurt, everything that is ugly about me can and does show through. So far, you have proven to be steady and unchanging in your care and love and forgiveness. And now here's a question for me: can I accept your care; can I grasp onto your love; and I take your forgiveness?

Mmmmm... I thought that it was going to be a good vacation, one that is full of non-stressful enjoyment, family fun and love amazingness. And it started to be, it really did. I don't feel that way right now though. I really don't.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. My sister and I used to be friends, when we were really little. We used to talk and tell each other lots and lots of stuff. When did that change? When did hardly knowing anything about each other become the norm? I don't understand. I want to change that but I don't know how. I don't know why she doesn't like me so much; I don't get it. I don't know if I want to get it because I'm tired of trying. She can talk to everyone but her family, everyone. It's not like I'm going to hate her when I find out what she's doing. I know some of it anyway for goodness sake. I just want to hear it from her. I want us to be sisters again, instead of two people who sometimes live in the same house together cuz that's what it's starting to feel like.