The World as I Know it

It's been a while yet again. Sorry about that to the absolutly no people who are reading this. And that's okay. Why would I want thousands of strangers knowing what I'm doing and what my life is; it's not like I'm Paris Hilton.

I'm at college right now. My second day. There's no classes yet; it's basically orientation all over again. I don't know anyone, too introverted to go up to someone and say: why are you wearing a kilt? or why do you have a blow-up doll in the form of a half-naked french maid? Both questions of which I am dying to ask. I don't really know how I'm liking it to tell you the truth. I mean, it's not terrible or anything, but like the title of this post asks: is it for me? I hope so. I hope I don't freak out and drop out. That would be absolutly horrible. I don't want to be like that. I really don't.

Nothing has really happened over the past two days that are worth mentioning. It's been kind of boring but scary at the same time. Most of the time I'm saying "hi, I'm Heather. What? Oh, I'm from Ceres which is near Olean which is south of Buffalo." Then they (the person I'm talking to) responds in kind. And I forget their names seconds after that. Oh well. What am I supposed to do; take post-it-notes with me and write down names with descriptions? Lynsey: girl with red hair and braids who I talked to in Cooper. How great. No, thanks not really my sort of thing.

I was down at the lake about a half hour ago. I was feeling inspired and corny. Let me type what I wrote:

As I write this, my feet are dangling in Lake Ontario, feeling, and melting in, teh ebb and flow of the waves. It is my second day here at SUNY Oswego. I don't know anyone and, being that I'm an introverted person, haven't met that many people; that's the hardest part, thus far, of college. But, as I look out into the horizon that is almost seamless with the blue water and sky becoming one, I feel that my future is as bright as the sun that is warming me now.

Told you it was corny. Anyway, I'm going to go. Bye! :-)

Yet again, I haven't been writing at all. Sorry. Right now, I'm at Tyler's house (one of Beth's friends) and I feel more than a little uncomfortable. Beth is in Cami's room (who is Tyler's sister) and is listening to music. Tyler and Alex are at Fiona's house who, at this moment, is sitting beside me checking e-mail.

I hate going over to people's houses, absolutely hate it. I don't know what to do half the time and it's even worse considering it's someone's house who I've met only once! Talk about awkward. Beth and Cami keep talking about all of these bands that I'm not particularly fond of anymore. I looked at the songs Beth's downloaded recently and it's all these hard-core rock bands like Avenged Sevenfold and Atreyu. I'm not into those bands, at all. I mean, some of there songs are good, but I'm not the biggest fan in the world. Cami also keeps talking about Warped Tour, which she went to recently (like yesterday and the day before) at Darien Lake. Beth wants to go. I might have wanted to go like 2 years ago, but not really anymore. It's so weird; it's like I'm not even a part of this anymore.

My family life isn't exactly the best either. My sister is being an ass and keeps telling me to move out and what not and I'm pretty sure my mother wants me to do the same. We've had some big fights over absolutely nothing. I cried so bad the last time; I wanted to move out. I was thinking that I only had a month to go and I had enough money to get an apartment if they would give me back the $400 they had borrowed. Misty's the same way though, like I said. It's a piece a crap, I'm telling you. It's like that every other day at my house.

So much of my life is so f-ed up right now. I absolutely hate it and I can't really do a thing about it. I don't know anymore. I feel left out at work (because Ashley, Brianna, and Bill are such good friends), I feel left out at home (because Misty, Mama, and now Daddy sometimes seem to really have something going on, like their closer or something now that I'm not around all that much and that I'm going to leave), and now I feel left out with my friends surrounding me because they have other friends that they can hang out with-and do hang out with- and I don't have anyone else. God it sucks. It absolutely sucks.

That's it; I need to listen to some music that will make me happy; though I'm sure Beth won't like the kind of music I listen to now. That's okay, I don't like hers either.

P.S. I got a 4 on both of my AP tests! Yaaay Me!