The World as I Know it

I realize I've written a lot in the past couple days and I apologize. However, most of them have been pretty negative so maybe you'd like to know that I am no longer so unhappy, that sleep was truly what I needed in order to forget what was wrong with yesterday. To be able to have a little peace of mind, to feel good about myself and my surroundings. At least in the few hours that I have been awake. You never know what the day will bring, hey? But I will tell you how I wish my day would be.

My mama woke up this morning in a good good mood. It was strange. It was like I was little again and we got along and were a real, mother-daughter team. That doesn't happy anymore, if you want to know the truth. Hardly ever anyway. But she drank her coffee and we talked about my life, about God, the rest of my family (in a not-so-negative way) and about how I feel about certain things. My sister also woke up at a normal time, at least a normal time for us. I've missed Mimi but today, I was able to hang out with her, like she's become my friend again or something. We talked about so many things; like I said, I've missed her. All in all, it was such a good day. I feel like I'm part of a family again. I also got to talk to some very important people in my life today. It made me feel better about all of our relationships, not that I was doubting them.

That's how I wish my day would go. Let's hope that is does go that way.

Why do we have so many ranges of emotions? And why do they have to all come in at you at once? I was happy today, I was mad today, at peace, calm, upset, worried. And I hate how I feel like all these things would go away if I just talked to one person. One specific person. But honestly, there's nothing really to talk about; there's nothing they can help me with. I just want to talk and to laugh and to hear about what they have done in the last couple of days. Because I miss them. And I hate that I'm crying right now because this is ridiculous. This shouldn't be an emotion because this emotion sucks to put it less than poetically. I hate it. I should have a limited range of emotions and they should come at pre-determined times because my life would be easier. When I'm happy, I'll play with my sisters. When I'm mad or sad or anything negative, I'll sleep. That simple.

i'm Losing myself In A Field
Of Imperfections
i Look Into A Pool Of Glass, Where my Reflection Shines Clearly
Yet i Only See Scarring
--Physical, Emotional--
i Only See Untamed Wildness
Anger, Sadness
A caged animal Aching To Be Free
To Be Free Of Life's Unending, Undefeated, Undeviating Undulations
Free To See The Beauty
Which Is Created

I find myself wanting to write again, cuz to be honest, the last post (ya know, the one I wrote approximately three hours ago) wasn't really my life. I mean it was, but again it wasn't. So let me tell you what has been going on with my life, my thoughts, etc.

I went to Washington DC as most of you may in fact know. It was fun. I got to spend some time with some great people, people who I haven't and won't see for a while (a long time in one person's case). I will miss her. It's going to be so weird not having two people who have become some of my best friends around me. Not being able to go down to the basement and pass their room, stop by on my way to do laundry and see new paintings (whether on nails or canvas) or look at French plays. But most of all, it will be hard not to have them to talk to, with their experience and they're heart. Oh gosh, I'm going to miss them a lot. But I will do my best to help them on their missions, whatever way I can.

I'm looking forward to school, as different as it will be. I'm kind of tired of being here, not that people are making it difficult or anything, it's just kind of not my think anymore, ya know? I got my french book the other day and I can't believe I'm excited about it, but I am! It's actually a little funny, too. There's this one section which just is supposed to help you remember some of the things you learned in the past, and it asks: Pourquoi étudiez-vous la français? And they answer: Je suis un peu masochiste. It really is funny! Haha! I realize that some of it may not realize what that means, but that's what google translations is for people!! :) That answer seems to be absolutely what I'm in it for though. But really, it's going to be nice. I'm going to hang out with my friends for as long as possible (though with my schedule, it might be a bit harder than usual) and do lots of things that I miss like karate and BASIC and fun stuff. I will stay up for hours and be awesome for a long time, haha. Like usual. :)

I'm reading Chronicles of Narnia now. Nic got it for me. He said it's a six month anniversary present. Hmmm, I believe Beth got an engagement ring... haha. Just kidding! But it's not really 6 months yet; I guess he's just being ummmm, I forget the word. But insert any good characteristic and it will suffice I'm sure! I like Chronicles. I'm still on the Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe at the moment cuz I got sidetracked by My Sister's Keeper but it is good all the same.
Anyhoo, that's my life. Tune in next time for a the rest of this cliff-hanger ending! :)

Isn't it strange how books work? Not how they are made or anything like that, but how they work on the readers' imaginations, how they invoke feelings within us. I'm not talking about the kind of books that relay facts, like a math book or an english book. It's the kind of books that tell us stories, the kinds that we can relate to, where the characters seem so real to us, as if they were friends who we just haven't seen for a long time. I'm talking about the kind of books that draw us into a time and place that, though this particular event may not have happened to us in "real life," it is as real to us now as our breath is.

And the best part is, they stay with us even after we close the cover. The good ones, the amazing ones are forever in us, waiting to be remembered. Everyone us of has a book from our childhood which will pop into our heads at some point. Mine was Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth. I read that so many times, when I looked at the library card, my number (1234, easist ever) was the, if not majority then, significant minority of the numbers presented. I can't really remember too much of the story, to tell the truth. But when I am watching Animal Planet and something about a crocodile comes on, I'll remember a picture that was in the book, at the point in the story when they are discovering that near the middle of the world, there is a lost world where dinosaurs still exist. The picture is of a giant dinosaur-crocodile coming into a huge cave and just barely fitting into the opening. Then there is, of course, the next love of my life: Harry Potter. By the time I realized what they were, what a gem they were, there were three out I believe, but I was still ahead of the pack. In a way, Harry Potter will always signify my childhood. I was maybe 8 when I started reading them, ten at the absolute most. So there was some time for my letter to appear by owl. When I was eleven, I realized it probably wasn't going to happen. That I was a muggle. I say it like I actually believe that Harry is real, but that is the making of an excellent book. I felt like I was part of it, but invisible. In a way, it is like observing a LARP, no one can talk to you, but you know everything because you can go anywhere you want.

Anyway, the thing that made me think all of this was My Sister's Keeper. I mean the book, not the movie. I don't think I've cried that hard since maybe Little Women when Jo didn't marry Laurie. I highly recommend it if you want a good cry and be totally immersed into a world that, hopefully, you've never actually experienced yourself. And to be honest, it sort of made me re-realize why I love to read. I recently told someone that there hasn't been a book since Harry Potter ended that carried me so far into the story, into the characters to feel like they are living a life I should have lived. I'm not saying that My Sister's Keeper made me wish my sister had cancer, but it made me feel like these people were my friends, that they're pain was mine.

And that, my darlings, is the beauty of a good book.