The World as I Know it

Dear you,
You have been my one of my best friends here for a year and a half. We have gone through many things together. Too many to count. And yet, this semester, we probably haven't been on speaking terms for half of it. I hate that.

I realize that you're hurt and that you have your own issues to deal with but you said that i could come to you, that you wanted us to be back to the way it was before. I reached out to you! I asked to come to that meeting for a reason. I needed to know that I could come to you, that you would be there for me and that you would forgive me for messing up our friendship so bad. And you gave me such a hard time about it. You said that you weren't going to come if I didn't tell you what it was about. Why does it matter? I wanted you in my life again. I wanted you to be one of the first people I call when I'm upset. I wanted you there. That hurt so bad but not as much as you walking out. I got a lot out of that night and wish you could have been a part of it, but you weren't. I don't know why, but you didn't feel like it. I wanted you to be there so badly, more than anyone else really. And it hurts to know that I mean so little to you that you couldn't stay for me. I don't know what I wanted from that meeting. Accountibility, friendship, simply knowing that I could go to other people because I miss them; I miss you.

I need you in my life (as weird as that sounds). Because I can't do this by myself; I've tried. It doesn't work. I miss him, I won't lie to you. I do. I wish I didn't, but I do. And I know that for the most part, this is between God and I, but I need to know that you will be there too.

I'm going home on Wednesday and I don't want to not talk to you for an entire month. It's too hard. It hurts too much.