The World as I Know it

I'm feeling like crap! yay!! why does my mama have to be sooo superficial? seriously, why? I mean, one day I look like I'm pregnant, the next I need to eat. My teeth aren't straight (even though I don't need and never have needed braces), my butt as well as my bust is too big, my hair is always messy, my skin is bad... the list goes on and on!! What the crap!!! And it seems like she is ganging up on me with Misty. What the crap!! I'm tired of this!!! I don't care what you think but I do at the same time!!! Sometimes I wish she wasn't my mom. Or that she would say I was pretty. And people wonder why I have insecurities? Let's look at the cause, guys.

I missed church today. I have no idea how I did it; I had no idea I even did it until I got there. The first sentence (and half of the title) isn't completely true--I was there for the last ten minutes. It's no wonder people (including a little girl who was the worst) were giving me bad looks! Ugh., Last week I went to a Catholic church, which was okay except I didn't know what to do or when to do it or what to say and why we were doing/saying these things, and I missed church this week. I'm seriously sad now.

Sundays are supposed to be happy & joyful. This one hasn't been. So I will ponder something that is happy and joyful: God's love.

If we look at one of the most famous verses--John 3:16--we can see the entent of His love. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son..." This is the kind of love every girl (& probably every guy) is dying for in human relationships. God brought himself down to Earth in the form of our Savior and suffered so we could have a relatively happy existence and live eternally. [This is a blueprint for how I want every relationship I ever have; I want this kind of love; God shows us how unselfish we should be toward others (must work on this)].

Anyway, it is hard to believe that we, horrible sinners that we are, are worthy of such a wonderful gift. But we are; He deemed us worthy before we were even born! He doesn't care if I will (most likely) never be a size 2 or if my hair is all a mess when I first wake-up (and even sometimes after that!) He doesn't care that I have blonde moments & can't spell certain words. He Loves Me!

And you know what? I love Him. I know that my life is better now. I no longer have huge stomach aches whenever I think of my own death. I am still afraid, but it's better now that I have something to look forward to. I am completed by having God & Christ in my life. And although He is willing to give me a second chance, third chance, 576,495,691,328th chance and more, I am gonna try my hardest not to take these. Obedience to a few things that are good for you anyway is a small price to pay for a love as amazing as the one He gives me. A very small price.

So, as you can probably guess... I am back. I am at a different URL to try to get my parents off my back, not that i have a problem with that, but it's just nice to have some privacy. Misty will probably figure this out since I thold her I wanted to have a blog at this URL, but it's okay, because I know her's too. & she's at home and therefore, will have to listen to dear mother and father more than I will. Keep this in mind, Mimi... A ton of things have happened lately, and I don't feel like going over them, so you're gonna have to do what you do when you miss a few episodes of House and you don't know what's going on, scramble around and try to figure out who these new ppl are. Haha.

I went camping. And yeah. It was okay. Andy said he like me and we had a huge long conversation while trying to figure out where Josh--who was majorly emo--went. I don't know what to do about that kid. I really don't. Andy, not Josh. I feel like I like him, but I don't know if I want to like him, because we each have issues. I am praying that God will take this summer and get rid of those vices that have been haunting me, so I am putting it, and the whole Andy situation in His hands. He knows what to do and I do not so I'm letting a professional deal with it.

Speaking of God and prayers, Ryan and Shannan are back together (praise God!!) and Andy and Ryan are back together (praise God?!?). lol. I've been praying that hearts will be healed and forgiveness will be, well, given, and it worked!! I like this whole praying thing, haha.

So I've been thinking about relationships lately. Not guy/girl relationships--well yes, but not in that way. In friendship ways. I haven't talked to my "best friend" Beth in like two weeks, after she told me she wasn't going to go camping with me because she was going this weekend with her boyfriend Max. What the crap?!? I mean seriously. I'm tired of this. On Ryan's blog, he quotes something like the best thing about friends is that they grow up w/o growing apart. That's not true w/ us. I mean, I don't know when she's home, so it's not like I can call. Granted, I don't make a huge effort, but idk. It's like this entire year, seams have slowly been coming apart and it SUCKS!!! I don't want this to happen, so Bethany Mack, if you get around to seeing this, dude! Call!!! I miss talking to you like I used to!!!!! Now all I have is Ryan... jk Ryan!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha. Ryan said that if I dated Andy, then he would be jealous of Andy because of his place in my life. Well, wanna know something? Felt the same way about Shannan when I figured out something was going on. haha. Now I'm praying that you guys get back together! Weird crazy/beautiful world.