Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Nothing There

I'm feeling very lonely.  Not in the sense that people aren't around me cuz for the most part, I have people around me at least a little.  I'm talking about being lonely because there's really no one there who I can talk to on a deep personal level, if that makes sense.  I don't feel close to people here as I used to.  And Beth's off doing her own thing, living her own life, which is fine, but it leaves me with almost noone.  Nic is great, and has become one of my best friends, but he has other roles too and so can't really take the role of confidant on.  I'm not gonna lie.  This really upsets me.  I know that I have God and Jesus and the Ghosty-poo but...somehow it's not the same.  I know it's supposed to be, but its not.  Not at all.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I'm not blaming anyone for anything, this is just how the cards fell.  It just makes me sad.  I'm kind of hoping that sharing an apartment will bring me closer to some people, whoever those people will be.  I'm also kind of scared that that same situation will push me farther from people.  I don't want that to happen.  As I'm writing these things, I keep questioning if this is the correct forum to voice these concerns.  I always do that though.  What is too personal to write here?  What belongs in my journal?  Does writing it in a private journal automatically make it too personal?  It's a weird conundrum.

I'm worried about some people and the choices they are making.  They say that they are going to do one thing, are going to go in another direction, but I see them making the same choices, going down the same path.  It's hard to watch, especially since I know the outcome of these paths.  I've tried telling them but it doesn't help.  People are going to do what they want.  I just hope that this time, they aren't hurt as bad as the last couple times.  I wish they realized that its time to take a step back.


  1. Mack said...
    hey... call me sometime
    Mack said...
    This comment has been removed by the author.

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