The World as I Know it

Hey! I wrote this when I was upset so disreguard some of the more offensive stuff!! So here it is:

Hey! Wanna know something weird? Pushing me into deciding my future is not the way into growing in my faith! I am not like other people! I can't just go and choose something to be passionate about! I have to actually feel something for that thing!

I am tired of being molded into something I'm not. Let me tell you who I am. I am confused, iam scared, I am tired. Sometimes I can be mean, sometimes I can be nice. I hav e not been able to make decisions easily so please don't push me because I hate it. I hate feeling bad after those conversations. I just hate it.

I do feel bad that I don't know what I want to do. I really do. But I don't know.

I don't like how I look a lot of the time. Somethimes I fear that I made a mistake my simply jumping in in Christianity. I don't know if I'll be a good mom thgh I want a family. Ever since I was little, I dreamed of having a family and husband who loved and adord me but first I know that I have to love myself. But that's difficult when you grow up being raised in a critical family and a critical school. I have to remind myself I am created in HIs image so I must be beautiful but it's hard. I don't doubt Him, I doubt myself. Okay? I'm being very open here, and since I'm putting this o my blog, I feel like a deserve a break.

I have a lot to change. I am worried about the here and now. I mam worried about my likely-to-be-developed eating disorders and self image. I am worreid about trusting God and believeing that everything will be okay if I ust keep following Him. I cannot be wrroed about what I will be doing next year because if I do, I know I will be worreid about teh same things. So please, take my honesty as an olive branch, a truce signal and please back off. I love you all but I am dealing with more than simple family issues and trust issues that you all think I am. It is harder than you think.